I mean

whatevs

$12 for soup and a fucking salad? Is Pax on crack?!?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

SO I recently started a new job. A step up the ladder, to be sure, as reflected in the more professional setting. And while this is most definitely a good thing, it's been a bit stressful, as change tends to be. And I happen to be well aware that, for me, stress tends to exacerbate certain physical ailments, like, say, acne. Or, you know, the burning sensation in my cooch.

In order to take advantage of my old insurance before it ran out, I scheduled a visit to a urologist, and after much prodding and poking, and a singular instance of penetration, it was determined that the "discomfort" I was experiencing in my nether regions was due to an irritated prostate. Nothing serious, but I was given two prescriptions, an antibiotic to clear things up, and some pills which would soothe my urethral tract, which is where the problem was manifesting itself. As a side effect, however, my urine would take on a darkened hue.

Except we're not just talking deep golden showers here, we're talking orange. Like The Gates orange. (Which, I suppose, would technically make it "saffron," but whatev.) And should any stray droplets of said tinted urine land on, say, the porcelain rim of the urinal, or the toilet seat (shut up), or the inside of my boxer briefs, staining would most likely occur.

Which is exactly what happened this morning when my stream splattered off the urinal and onto my khakis. At work. At my new job.

So now the prostate's not the only thing that's irritated...